A woman posted to Reddit about how her mother-in-law always brings the drama to Thanksgiving celebrations, and went even harder this year
- A woman shared on Reddit about family drama around her Thanksgiving celebration this year
- She wrote that her mother-in-law uninvited her family from the dinner, only to change her mind and re-invite them
- She shared some of her mother-in-law’s other Thanksgiving antics over the years and asked if she was wrong to hold her ground and choose to stay away this year
A woman has turned to Reddit with a major Thanksgiving dilemma.
In an anonymous thread, she writes, “My mother-in-law has been ruining Thanksgiving for me for years and somehow she makes it more complicated every year.”
The woman says that on a typical holiday, her mother-in-law “would snap at everyone and just make the whole atmosphere uncomfortable, but I always tried to be helpful and understanding." But then, “One year I walked in on her smack-talking the dessert I had brought to my [sister-in-law] and it hit me hard. Thanksgiving has never been the same for me since.”
The woman also recalls how one year, her mother-in-law “passive-aggressively announced to everyone in a group text that since it was very expensive, she would need us to all split up the dishes and bring something,” which she notes they all do every year anyway. She was also annoyed because her mother-in-law only assigned her no-cook items that she “couldn’t mess up,” even though the poster cooks a lot.
“The following year, she texted us that in addition to splitting up the menu, she would be purchasing all of the ingredients for us, instructed us to Venmo her our share, and she would drop them off with her preferred dishes that she would like them served in,” the woman writes. She noted that her mother-in-law didn’t bring her fresh ingredients, so she still had to buy some anyway.
This year, her mother-in-law put a new twist on the Thanksgiving drama. “A few weeks ago, she came to my house and basically politely uninvited us, stating that ‘it's just a lot of people this year,’ ” she writes. “I was relieved to not have to spend the day with her. Until I turned and looked at my daughter's face. And my husband's face when I told him. They were both extremely hurt that they were being excluded.”
Her mother-in-law didn't tell other family members about the move, but decided, however, that for dessert on Thanksgiving everyone “could meet at MY house for pie and a bonfire," the poster writes. Though the woman was annoyed at the suggestion, she notes, “My kids would be devastated if they didn't get to see their cousins for Thanksgiving, so we'll make it work. I think I've been a really good sport.”
Then, just a week before the holiday, “My husband gets a phone call from his mom, telling him that their plans fell through again and would we like to come after all?”
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Logistically, she notes that she had already bought all the food for her family’s at-home celebration. But the poster also didn’t want to go anymore from a “moral” standpoint, writing, “Why would I want to go over there after all the frustration she put everyone through this year? And to top it off, it REALLY bothered me the way she went about it - when she knew my husband might be upset, she came to me to uninvite us. When she knew I would be peeved to have to change plans again, she went to him.” While she feels justified in not attending, she writes, “Everyone is unhappy. My kids are unhappy. My nieces are unhappy. My husband is unhappy.”
Commenters are overwhelmingly on the poster’s side. “OP this is your opportunity to start YOUR own family tradition. Thanksgiving at YOUR house,” one person wrote. They added that they were also disappointed that her husband had not stood up to this mother.
“Your MIL has been difficult, and you’ve tried to be understanding, it’s fair to stick to your plans,” another person wrote. One added, “Please stop giving in to her whims. Tell everyone that she uninvited you from Thanksgiving and lied about it to everybody. You are protecting her nastiness by keeping quiet, and it's just causing the whole thing to snowball each year. It's also causing more harm to your children. What they're learning is that people can treat them like scum, and they deserve it, because nobody stands up for them.”
The original poster updated in a comment that she told her husband to tell his mother they would not be changing their plans. She noted that she told him he “did drag his feet” about speaking to her and that the couple “are still at odds about how little effort he puts into confronting them.”
She continued, “He claims he has in the past and they're not going to change, so what's the point? I told him at the very least I wouldn't always feel like I'm the bad guy, forcing him to cut off his family and his kids would see that he is standing up for us.”
She also noted that she and other family members have called her mother-in-law out for her bad behavior “multiple times.” She said that she felt her mother-in-law “had been making a real effort through the last couple months,” but that things changed with the holiday drama.