It's hard to doom-scroll these days without spotting a soft-focus snap of the latest greatest Trump progeny living their best life.
But Kai Trump, granddaughter to the President-elect, must be taking the longest victory lap of them all after Papa Don's electoral gut punch to liberal America.
Kai is blissfully 17 years old and, like nearly every other pigtailed teen, she's flexing, has rizz and drip and is chasing clicks and clout (I have no idea what I just wrote, but she does).
On Tuesday, the daughter of Don Jr. and his ex-wife Vanessa posted a YouTube video from on-board gramps's jet to Texas where she and an identikit pal (in matching Skims) marveled at 'Uncle' Elon's latest rocket launch.
Before that, she was video-blogging scenes from Election night, including from inside her bedroom as she selected an outfit.
Or posting from the golf course. Or performing the latest TikTok dance. Or posing in a sparkly mini-skirt by a butt-ugly Tesla Cybertruck.
When Kai burst onto the scene at the Republican National Convention in July, introducing 'grandpa' in an adorable on-stage speech, I couldn't get enough.
Now I'm begging her to strap her bedazzled iPhone to Musk's next exploding rocket. Because she needs to get off social media – stat.
For an adult, Kai's life would be as dangerously intoxicating as a half dozen Mar-a-Lago spritzers. For an underage and impressionable girl, it's massively concerning.
This may sound old-fashioned but hear me out: I have two teenage daughters and I'm well aware of the social media pressure-cooker in which our children live.
Even for my non-famous girls, I constantly worry about the impact of Chinese algorithms and the nasty comments of faceless critics. Imagine what Kai is opening herself up to.
Millions of people have now had a peep at her bedsheets! And many of those millions are surely waiting to pounce on the slightest scent of a mistake.
In that Election night vlog, she shared footage of herself driving – at times taking both hands off the wheel. Will that age as well as step-granny Melania?
There's another Trump wunderkind who has invited similar levels of fascination to Kai: her real uncle, Barron.
Remember when Rosie O'Donnell ('O' for Ozempic) vilely suggested that a 10-year-old Barron was autistic?
At 14 months Kai's senior, Barron has been subject to a mockable amount of helicopter parenting from mom Melania who still looms over the 6'9" NYU freshman. But the Slovenian Hoverer is on to something.
It's not just that he doesn't have a social media presence, America still hardly knows a thing about Barron – and that's for the best. Melania's stilettoed secrecy has given her only son the space to grow up, to make mistakes without turning every teenage tantrum into an international event.
Kai should also take notes from her classy, It Girl predecessor, Aunty Ivanka.
A mom in her own right, Ivanka packed her sharp suits, sharper tresses and family off to Washington to join her dad's first administration.
Boy was that a mistake! Even though she undoubtedly worked hard, she was branded a nepo-brat and ostracized from every celebrity invite list from LA to NYC and DC.
She has since divorced herself from the swamp and fled to Miami in a desperate four-year bid to reboot her life and her contact book.
No amount of proximity to power is worth it when your besties won't return a text. Thanks for nothing, Kim K!
Kai's dad Don Jr. has always been even more of a loudmouth lightning rod than his own father. And his trouty-pouty fiancée Kimberly Guilfoyle isn't exactly known for being low maintenance.
In this two-tier system of Trumps, Kai would be best served to take the lower profile, set the Insta to private and deep-six the TikTok. As dazzling as the spotlight can be, its red-hot glare is not worth the burns that can irreparably harm a young woman in her irreplaceable formative years.
Drab Duchess
Mediocre Duchess Meghan showed up – sans Harry – to a festive fundraising dinner recently wearing a rather unflattering (and terribly wrinkled!) beige ensemble.
It continued her trend of throwing on ill-fitting, poorly tailored pieces like that overly fleshy, red Carolina Herrera number she wore to an LA charity gala last month.
Granted, neither look was quite as bad as the frock she donned in Bogota in August, which looked to be made from re-purposed curtain fabric.
Alec's America hate
Professional windbag Alec Baldwin blew into an Italian film festival, firing blanks (for once).
'Americans know little or nothing — on climate change, on Ukraine,' the aging rage-addict blathered to reporters on Monday.
So says the guy married to a baby factory who fakes her Spanish heritage and once pretended not to know the English word for cucumber.
Diddy's thankful
Even in a Brooklyn lockup, Diddy will still enjoy a festive feast on Thanksgiving.
A spokesperson for New York's Metropolitan Detention Center confirmed the menu this week:
After a breakfast buffet of cereals, fresh fruit and pastries, the disgraced rapper will tuck into a hot lunch of turkey with all the trimmings (dinner rolls, holiday pies, mashed potatoes, mixed veggies and even cranberry sauce).
If he's still hungry, a tea of cold cuts and burgers will be served at 4pm.
Who needs to make bail when society's worst are living in such luxury?
Sad news
In a new memoir, former TV anchor Kendis Gibson reveals he suffered panic attacks, depression and even a suicide attempt after toiling on the graveyard shift for ABC's 'World News Now'.
He blamed the severe stress of always 'trying to perform at the top of the game' and what he perceived as 'veiled racism' at the network.
It's proof that some people aren't cut out for the cut-throat news game. And a sober reminder that no job is worth your life.
Tiny tragedy
The heartbreaking new face of the Biden administration's immigration crisis is a tiny 2-year-old girl, dressed in pink and inexplicably alone as Texas border agents picked her up alongside 60 minors from El Salvador on Sunday.
Tragic footage shows the tot clinging to a piece of paper inscribed with a name and phone number. Her parents had unforgivably abandoned her and headed into America in advance. God knows how she made the 1,700-mile journey.
Yet Democrats still insist open borders are humane.
House of Cards
Who could've guessed that the attempted Dem witch hunt of Donald Trump would turn out to be a terrible waste?
This week a federal judge granted Special Counsel Jack Smith's request to drop his election interference case against the President-elect.
Shifty Smith is also now expected to abandon his prosecution of Trump for the alleged mishandling of classified documents.
All that's left is to pay the bill for Smith's office: a reported $50 million. Cough it up, taxpayer.