'AITA for refusing to host Thanksgiving after my sister handed out a "Family Code of Conduct" contract?'

This happened recently, and I’m still baffled. For context, I (32F) have hosted Thanksgiving for my family every year since I moved into my house five years ago. It’s always a little messy and chaotic, but that’s part of the charm, right?

This year, my sister (29F) decided she wanted to "help bring some order" to the gathering. At first, I thought she just meant coordinating who would bring what dishes or helping with cleanup. Instead, she showed up at my house last week with printed copies of what she called a "Family Code of Conduct."

She handed these out and insisted everyone read and sign them before attending Thanksgiving. Some highlights included:

• A rule against "overlapping conversations" at the dinner table, with suggestions for taking turns like "a respectful debate club."

• A "ban on political or controversial topics," with her as the final arbiter of what was too heated.

• A dress code of "smart casual" because "holiday photos should reflect well on the family."

• Assigned seating that she claimed was based on "optimal personality compatibility."

She was completely serious. When I laughed and said, “You can’t be serious,” she accused me of “not taking her efforts to improve family dynamics seriously.” I told her I wasn’t going to enforce a code of conduct at my house and that if she wanted to micromanage Thanksgiving, she could host it herself.

She doubled down, saying I was being ungrateful and stubborn. I canceled hosting, and now the family is mad at me. My mom thinks I should’ve just humored her for the day, while my brother (35M) is refusing to go anywhere unless “no one tries to draft a holiday constitution.”

I’m torn. Was I wrong for standing my ground, or should I have let her run the day to keep the peace?

Here's what people had to say to OP:

Just host your brother lol. Tell everyone else that if they're happy about a code of conduct they're free to attend your sister's house. However you will not be hosting.

Why exactly did you need to cancel instead of telling her "lol no" and continuing with your plans, exactly? YTA for being such a drama queen about it.

You can even sign a declaration of thanksgiving independence, declaring yourselves free of micromanaging attempts to create a hallmark family dinner. Celebrate your declaration by a round of whatever absolutely chaotic activity you love or loved as kids.

This. OP, host your brother. Tell your parents they are welcome ONLY if they stop molly-coddling your sister. Tell your sister she is not welcome unless she drops this BS. Your house, your rules and all that. If she doesn't like it she can stay home but unless SHE is doing the cleaning, prep, set up and cooking for the family on HER turf she doesn't get to make decrees.

And, for kicks and giggles I think you should tell your brother that to spite your sister you guys are all doing PJs for Christmas. I mean, I'm all for smart-casual but this would be "gang on like donkey kong" time.

ESH. U didn’t have to cancel hosting Thanksgiving. That was excessive. U should have just tossed the contract and continued laughing in her face.

Paintball in pajamas

Totally was going to suggest a pjs thanksgiving, but now I’m realizing that sis would dictate matching pajamas for everyone 🤣

Maybe it should be a “wear your oldest sweats” theme. And they should play Cards Against Humanity, so that it’s especially “controversial” topics! Also, sis needs to sit at the kids’ table due to her tantrum.